Looking for the bishop, I thought I almost saw him in the alpenglow of a harvest moon, in a
hedge bursting with buds no bigger than a child’s fingerprints, in a neighbor’s plastic pinwheel spinning
clockwise in the wind. I thought I saw him in tiny grains of hope, in a woman brushing the hair from a
sullen boy’s face, in the balm of sudden healing from shredded clouds racing from the stars. The bishop
is will-of-a-wisp, a puff of breeze, more hopeful in his flowing red gown than any figure I know. He
walks by my window on his daily sojourns, emerging from the hidden chambers of peace and clarity to
sustain me in surprising ways, a figure so out of character with this part of central Michigan as to be
laughable, lovable and mysterious all at once. His hood shrouds his head like an oddly draped flower,
announcing his presence before you notice the thin, small body sheathed in flowing folds. I have never
seen his hair. The bishop is Eastern Indian, with a triton beard and long delicate fingers that taper off like
the hands in a Byzantine painting. He is doubly, triply strange for all that, a man visiting from another
world yet a part of this one, more vivid because of this. No one can quite tell me how he has come to be
here, but would any reason make his presence less mysterious?
I see him walking everywhere in this small town, taking the night air upon an evening, the hems
of his robe swirling in gentle eddies around his slippered feet. A part of me wants to follow him or fit
inside one of his pockets like a bright polished key. I would take up residence in his flowering hood,
become his watch tower, his bird’s eye view, or hunker down where the clean folds of his robe billow out
into forgetfulness, the ripple of a fresh, gentle wind. I want to walk the way he does, watchful and alert,
more incongruent here than a rare plumaged bird whose colors remain unbesmirched by the drabness of
winter. He is the cardinal bird that could make all the difference, burning his sacred red feathers in a slow
fire that will never die out. He walks by my house sometimes, and each time my heart gets a little lighter,
clearer, opening a tiny door that feels like a frail hope ascending until I realize I am supposed to notice
him, take his example to heart, follow his lead, and become pure, vivid color in a land of black and white.
What do I know about him? Nothing I don’t see in his thoughtful gait, the alert owl look in his
dark brown eyes. Nothing he does not already show me though he does not know it, a simple long walk,
the veil of a consciousness he gives me each time I see him. I need his walk like a covert response to
things that make me uneasy, to the vague malaise dripping like a bad faucet at the heart of town, the
malice of revved-up pickup trucks, gun racks; the bishop shows me how to live here in subtle, surprising
ways, how to walk in a small town and the kind of grace I ached for without realizing it, his long red robe
and careful steps over patches of ice.
You could go a long time without an example like the bishop, twenty, thirty years, a whole life.
You could ignore people or signs like him, not take them into your heart or let them peel it open layer by
precious layer. You could choose to close the curtains or drapes, lock the door and turn up the TV, but if
the bishop should ever walk by your window or down your neighborhood street, you could have the
opportunity to sense the hushed lightness trailing behind him, the seed-blossoms of his robes riding the
air to find a place to plant themselves and take up growing. You could work the bishop walking by into
any belief system you have, into the words of a prayer undirected to any god, into a chant for hope and
brightness, a candle flame flickering in your cupped hands. You could use the bishop however you like,
to get over sadness or death, or loneliness that drops like a single stone into a dark well, to imagine your
life past the threshold where you are who you have always intended to be, that upright person in the
mirror without longing or shame. But you must be careful with him, handle him as you would a porcelain
jar that contains all the secret and dangerous ingredients of spring, or the fragrance of a night you do not
want to forget. His presence is careful and oh-so-delicate, because he comes sparingly and when you
least expect it, like all good surprises.
I hear his name mentioned sometimes around the Alma campus, the bishop is leaving for Brazil,
the bishop is going back to India for a spell, the bishop is flying to New York. Sometimes he sits by
himself in the faculty dining area, arrayed in his exotic uniform, serene and staring out the window. I’ve
seen him eat hard-boiled eggs as if the earth’s ovals were at home in his mouth, a beneficent and cosmic
gape. I don’t particularly want to know the minutiae of his life, the name of his native village, his
conversion to the Orthodox church long ago, the demands of his office. I smile when I see him and he
smiles back, we chat about the weather, his courses. Maybe some time we will go into things more
deeply, but it doesn’t seem to matter much. What’s important is that he’s here, that I have the chance to
see him. He need not even know how important he has become. Maybe some day I will tell him how
much his odd presence means to me, how it has gained its own quiet and hopeful momentum, that I was
hardly aware of it myself before this, that his walking is simple grace and nothing more. Does he need to
know this now or ever? Would it violate a pact no one can see or understand?
Stranger, we have met and touched briefly in a land far away from home, and the brief exchanges
have sustained me. The unknown distance between us spools out into the infinite, and we fill it with hope
like bright, clear water dripping from the eaves. You are not of this place; I am not of this place. Together
and separately, we part the invisible waters of our destinies and notice how a bird alights on a slender
branch. We are far away from home. We have forgotten what home is. You travel to every corner of the
earth and the taste and memory of it all reel by in a kaleidoscope of human touches and voices, people
reaching out to you, and I know this same kind of ministry happens right here, right now, adding to the
same continuum where nothing is lost and everything merges into one.
Seeing you disappear down the street or around the corner does not frighten me; death itself after
you have departed does not frighten me. I have nothing to run from in your presence. After you leave and
pick up your mail the ache throbbing in me since I first knew consciousness subsides a little, becomes
bearable, becomes my dear friend. I believe in the invisible when I see you, I believe in the unseen net
that catches me everywhere I go, the same frail net held up by threadbare strings so few and precious and
strong I dare not dwell on them for long. You remind me, bishop, that I could be catapulted from this
very chair right now to another part of the world by catastrophe or loss, that I could lose everything in a
fire or flood, that I someday will lose it all anyway, the ring of laughter, the memory of love in strange
rooms, that the people I care about will leave me behind, that I will leave them knowingly and
unknowingly, that I will only see many of them just four or five times more, that what’s put in motion
cannot be stopped, must be played out, that I, like you, will continue this strange wandering for the rest
of my life, that I’m finally ready for this, at least on my good days, that I can never quite trust human
permanence again, that that’s how it is, a mystery, a slow-moving prayer. Maybe you have known this all
along. Maybe it is only this you have intended to show me. But intentional or not, more and more each
day I wake with a sense of wonder, telling myself and believing it that anything is possible today, good
and bad, that I will notice both and try my best to love them in their open or secret surprise.
I used to think human intimacy was a matter of deep disclosures, physical contact, constant
presence; but I no longer believe this. Now I think it can happen any time, any where, in seeing a brightly
robed bishop from another part of the world taking a stroll, hands folded behind his back, noting the
beauty around him. I need hope incarnate like him, I need to glimpse his example more than once in a
while. I need to fall in lockstep behind him, not because he is Christian or a bishop but because he
changes the molecules of the air into something reverent, mysterious and faintly humorous, as if God
himself truly is playing a joke on us, not a knee-slapper, but some kind of gentle benediction that gives us
the capacity to smile. I greet him when I see him, and he is always pleased and surprised, and I am always
pleased and surprised. Wonder works this way, in sudden, inexplicable meetings. Hello, bishop, hello.
Each time I see you I greet you without words, thankful that you are here, thankful that I’ll always have
your example in the back of my mind, that grace never disappears, that it’s subtle and clean like washed
sheets on a line, that it lives in the manifold openings and unfoldings of things coming to life and curving
themselves to the sun. I need you more than I can say, but now I know it is not you yourself I need really,
but something inside you that beckons me to follow. Hello, bishop. If I never see you again, I will
continue to look for you anyway in anything that is vivid and real, in darting sparrows, broken glass, the
people I come into contact with who wail and laugh and cry without opening their mouths.